MikeDawg

Top 11 reasons why gay marriage is unAmerican

November 13th, 2007

I found this on Who Would Jesus Vote For? They found it on BW.org who found it HERE. I thought it was so hilarious and spot-on that I had to reprint it. I’m sure that it seems like it doesn’t need to be said, but for the benefit of our readers from overseas who don’t read/speak English as a first language or are using a translator like Babelfish, this post is 100% sarcastic.

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like
   eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging
   around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior.
   People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and
   can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all;
   women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still
   illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the
   sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples,
   infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our
   orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only
   raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the
   values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have
   only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home.
   That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to
    new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector
    economy, or longer life spans.
11. Gay marriage is icky and uncomfortable for “decent” people. Therefore it should
    be outlawed just like porn, scary movies, most TV news coverage, almost every
    CSI episode and many books.

Entry Filed under: Gay Culture, news, humor